Sunday Sundries

This one could also be called “Not the Mama.”

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Me and my mother, circa 1980 – from a Polaroid!

I went to lunch yesterday with another friend who is past child-bearing age (or at least, what most of us still consider such) and it was a study in familiarity and manners.

What was funny was that the restaurant owner and the long-time server whom often waits on us knew better and just said how nice it was to see us.  It was the newer staff who presumed that because we are females over the age of … ?, SURELY we must be mothers.  I wonder if my younger friends have that problem?

Look, I KNOW I’m not a mother.  I am rather private and don’t care to share but so much, but I am childless by choice.  How much worse would it be if I was in fact, trying to have a late in life baby without success, or had a private adoption fall through recently, and these presumptuous cads were wishing me a most inappropriate happy inapplicable event?!

I don’t feel any more left out on Mother’s Day than I do on Father’s Day, Grandparents Day or any of the other Hallmark holidays.  (In my world, that includes Valentine’s Day, but the Knight is a smart man and knows that just because I think it’s inane, it’s probably still in his best interests to get flowers, chocolates or both.)

It ranks right up there with asking the stranger with the poochy belly when she’s due.   In an age of political correctness and anti-discrimination laws for anything one can think of, where is the common sense and/or common courtesy?  You know, it just hit me; we wouldn’t need so many laws if people just practiced the Golden Rule.

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Same day… a RARE photo with (from L-R) my maternal grandmother, my Nana, me, a cousin, a friend, and my much-beloved “old maid” great aunt, and one of her “furkids”. Clearly, no one but Nannie (my grandmother) was ready for the photo, but I didn’t realize I had any with all three of those GRAND women in it!

Oh, I am most grateful for the mothers in my life.  They get so much of the credit for the woman I am today.  I do think motherhood is a mostly thankless job, but the world should honor moms regularly, not just once a year.  Co-parenting shouldn’t be a word or a concept; it’s redundant.  It takes two people to make a baby, and it takes a village to raise one into a reasonably sane, functional adult.  Parenting is a verb, a very active verb, and Dad, godparents, neighbors, friends’ parents, etc. should all be involved EVERY SINGLE DAY.  I was truly blessed to have a large, extended family and a network of caring folks involved in my upbringing.

But you know what?  Even those who don’t get June Cleaver turn out okay.  Look at Opie.  Aunt Bea, Andy, Barney, even Gomer and all of Mayberry saw to it that little Opie grew up to be a gazillionaire who wasn’t just a former child actor, but a powerhouse in almost every aspect of Hollywood.

I do hope those of you celebrating – your own motherhood or the mothers in your life – had a great day.  We had a rare family meal, just the inlaws and me, and I know MJ really enjoyed having us all at one table again.   And yeah, we should do that more than a handful of times a year too.

 

 

 

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10 comments on “Sunday Sundries

  1. Mary says:

    Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, all those days that are great for the card, flower, and generic MD/FD gift industry are the same days that cause so many people unaccountable heartbreak, pain and sorrow for all sorts of reasons. Or in your case, make you justifiably irritable when greeted inappropriately. I know this MD wasn’t an easy one…the first year milestones of loss weigh heavy on the heart. Glad you were able to spend the weekend with friends and family (and even clumsy wait staff–bless their hearts, even if they were dumber than…).

  2. Bridget says:

    It always annoys me that I am assumed to be someone’s mother on Mother’s Day, but no one automatically assumes that my husband is a father on Father’s Day. He said that no one has ever wished him “Happy Father’s Day” randomly. Grr.

  3. nancytimber says:

    This happens to me, too, and it is annoying. I’ve learned to accept the offered flower, etc. on Mother’s Day and silently think of my Mom when I do.

  4. kathy b says:

    Well put Channon. :) Everyone was chirping happy MOTHERS Day even in the grocery stores this weekend. It was nice, but it’s not CHRISTMAS for goodness sake.

  5. Nichole says:

    But, my friend, you ARE a mother. You are a fur-mama and, quite frankly, us fur-mamas are some of THE best Moms out there!

  6. Marjie says:

    My father in law used to refer to all of these as “Jewish holidays,” because, he said, the Jewish shop keepers were the ones who really celebrated at the end of the day.

    I have no extended family that I care to see, or have spoken to in at least 15 years, and it matters not. My children are wonderful, and they all value each other greatly. That, my friend, is my greatest accomplishment in life. I hope they choose to put “Beloved Mother” on my tombstone, along with the required “Beloved Wife”.

  7. Sue says:

    I used to bristle when someone wished me a happy mother’s day but now I thank them and think how annoyed they’d be if they knew my kids all had four feet and fur.

  8. AlisonH says:

    I just chuckled at Bridget’s comment. Too funny–and so true. And I’d never thought of that.

  9. AlisonH says:

    (And how on earth did I get so behind on your blog? My apologies.)

  10. A little behind on blog reading and posting these days. LIke AlisonH, I apologize ;).
    I suppose I never gave it much thought when it comes to wishes of Mother’s or Father’s Day unless in fact I KNOW the person is a mother or father.
    I agree with you whole heartedly on the fact every person should observe their own behavior when it comes to child exposure. Sadly that is not the case and now….well….you know where my rant is going ;).
    Glad you had a wonderful dinner with your in-laws.

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